jenny and i don’t drive all that much but when we do we have started to notice that the majority of cars on the road have turned into poorly designed amorphous blobs of nonsense. i mean it is disturbing how underwhelming some modern cars are and how they are all starting to compete in this car, suv, minivan all-in-one category.

so i wanted to lay down some hate on a few rides that perplex me just for the hell of it.

Honda Fit

this couldn’t be more of an ironic name for this car. i am sure it is a great car seeing that it is a honda but it looks like a prius but without any of the hybrid perks.

Mini Countryman

now this is a great example of how the traditional mini has been totally americanized and turned into a overly bloated fat fuck. it looks like an dwarfed, sickly suv – especially in the popular brown color.

mini’s used to be mini…

but america has spoken…

Dodge Caliber

who the hell sees this on the lot and says oh, shit! that’s for me! – this ride couldn’t be any more confused. so much so that dodge quit making it almost immediately and probably fired the designer. i mean is it a sedan? an suv? a minivan? a station wagon? so confused!

BMW 5 Series Turismo

even luxury brands are competing in the i’m confused market. especially with a name like turismo which to me usually is associated with racing and speed not cankles. this dumpy ride happens to have an entry level price tag of roughly $60k.

Pontiac G3 Hatchback

somewhere there is a study that shows there is a demand for cars of this form factor since it seems like every brand is putting them out. this car is the antithesis of timeless and the definition of soon-to-be-landfill-garbage.

Nissan Juke

it would be hard to find anyone that would argue that this car totally sucks. sure there would be a market for it if 8 years old could drive and had disposable income. and the name rhymes with puke. tite.

Pontiac Aztek

despite it being super hard on the eyes, people love these things.

the only thing cool about this car is that walter white drove one…

i could keep going… maybe to balance the universe i will do a post soon on cars that are awesome. i would probably start with the new scion fr-s…