saw this on twitter today. someone said “go to bing and type in ‘how do i get’ and see what comes up first – comedy.

i actually like bing even though i don’t really use it that much. i am institutionalized to google. i think it is funny that microsoft is bribing people to use their search engine – read the story here.

in other news: it’s sunny in pdx! no clouds in the sky… well, other than chemtrails.

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just thought it was something to point out. cancer effects everyone. however i am not sure why this is under the tech section. maybe he should talk with mcaffee about getting his guts cleaned out?

i have given paul shit in the past but from here on out paul, you are alright with me.

read the story here

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ever since vista flopped microsoft has been putting all of its focus on windows 7. which i have heard is actually a pretty impressive operating system. however, they are still taking the bizarre lifestyle approach to marketing as they did with songsmith.

this video above is as weird as it gets. it makes me wish i was there during the recording so i could rush the set and simply say come on guys… really?!? just stop. – are these people supposed to be friends just hanging out?

• we got a white nerd with glasses
• we got an old(er) lady
• we got a middle aged blonde
• we got a hip black guy

oh yeah that makes sense. and they are throwing a party with chips and dip to celebrate migration tools and instant messaging in the same room. my favorite part of it all is when they just throw in technical terms in the middle of casual talk – oh i had such a good time at the last party when we used the command prompt to launch that executable file which ran on silverlight v3.84 – that was so fun!

back to the drawing board ms.

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microsoft put together an ad that they later decided to make some ethnic (sloppy) changes to. katu says it best:

A photo on the Seattle-based company’s U.S. Web site shows two men, one Asian and one black, and a white woman seated at a conference room table. But on the Web site of Microsoft’s Polish business unit, the black man’s head has been replaced with that of a white man. The color of his hand remains unchanged.

uh bill, can we make the guy in the center less black? maybe try to find a younger whiter guy that looks less wise and more like a smart ass? – not to mention leaving the hand black. if they would have crossed their t’s on this one they would have had the option to say that they turned the white guy black. darshes.

on the flip side of this – i got a new macbook pro recently and it is a battle axe in which i am learning to yield it’s raw power.

the important specs:

• 3.06GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
• 8GB 1066MHz DDR3 SDRAM – 2X4GB
• 256GB solid-state drive
• MacBook Pro 17-inch Hi-Resolution Antiglare Widescreen Display

now while these specs may mean nothing to most i must mention that after tap dancing with a solid state drive i will never go back. i am already trying to figure out how i can get one in my mac pro as well. there’s no moving parts, no seek time, no weird clicking noises – nothing. just raw speed. photoshop literally takes 1 second to load. add in the 8gb of ram and yourself have a murder machine. oh and i went with the non glossy screen – for i am not a fan. i want to get work done, not stare at candy all day.

and while i like to give microsoft a hard time, i run xp in sync with osx. why? because i can. plus, how else am i going to test crappy browsers that can’t seem to die?

i will never stop giving ie6 a hard time. i swear there will be celebration riots in the streets once it finally dies. hooray!!!!1

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so i keep hearing about how microsoft is doing really really effin’ bad right – and i personally think it has to do with them doing weird meaningless shit… i mean shit that even if it makes no logical sense they will still persist in hopes of transforming your brain shit. and just when i didn’t think they could do anything weirder my friend dave* sent me this video. there literally has been confusion on forums asking is this for reals?

this video made me feel like a darsh for watching it in its entirety. and even more when i watched it 2 more times. like putting cigarettes out on your arm sort of torture.

…yes, it is for real: click here to check it out

…and yes someone has already made a parody that made me laugh so hard i had to pause it multiple times.

warning… it is a little tasteless… (…)(…)

i love how they point out that microsoft used a macbook pro for the computer in the beginning and covered up the apple logo with stickers. i am not sure if that was their way of saying ha! or they messed up. either way this commercial is wack. you can find many more on youtube.

* i would give dave a link but he doesn’t have a blog

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apparently this dude broke in on an 88 year old woman. he chose to not wear clothes and when he decided to attack the old lady she grabbed his twig + berries. and i bet she just downright owned them. after she did her handwork he was out like lightning. a loud voice probably went of in his head as she dug in her nails… anything but this… god please, anything but this… – gone.

to make the story even better… the dudes last name is dick. maybe i am wrong but i don’t think i have ever heard of someone with the last name dick? except maybe moby? either way mike, old ladies are stronger than you think. and they know the soft spots.

read the story here.

after seeing this story i found a website that calculates how many 5-year-olds you could beat up. i was hoping it was going to be old ladies for the sake of this post but 5-year-olds will do.

the url is in fact: howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com. i did the test and i was told i could take 22. i doubt those results. i think i would freak out at about 7. unless they were zombies whose souls had already passed and i had to go nuts just to survive. with like a baseball bat with nails on the end. if that was the case, i could take at least 30.

in other news, the zune sucks!

on december 30 a wave of microsoft 30GB HDD zunes in circulation apparently froze at the exact same time and reports are still turning up. even though the little machines are rendered useless, this is what microsoft had to say:

We are aware that customers with the Zune 30GB are experiencing issues with their Zune device. We are actively working now to isolate the issue and develop a solution to address it. We will keep customers informed on next steps via the support page on zune.net (zune.net/support).

i don’t give zune shit because i am an ipod elitist. i have a 1st generation 1gb shuffle that barely works. i just don’t think microsoft should have competed in this market. rant! rabble rabble rabble!

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i hate the zune. for many reasons. and one of them isn’t because i am an ipod fan – cause i’m not. my wife bought me a 1gb shuffle years ago – 1st generation!

i hate the zune because microsoft couldn’t help but compete in the mp3 market. if portable gaming devices became wildly popular then microsoft would introduce a competing device that would poorly compare to the leader – thus just adding more shit to our world. not to mention the commercials seem so desperate. in microsoft’s defense – the xbox 360 is a brilliant device. last night i watched a bit of a movie using my netflix account and my xbox and it worked flawlessly.

in other news – chuck norris is fighting again… this time it’s against rupaul. i guess i am kinda surprised how much of this gay shit is all over the news since obama was elected. like the conservative republicans all think gays are sent from hell to destroy the world. maybe it is because i don’t really care is why i think it is so absurd. dr. dobson hates him some gays. i just always figured that those that hate gays the most are just gay and fighting their own gaydom. is that a word? you , know like in american beauty n shit? you can read chucks thoughts here.

this whole targeting the gays thing seems like an easy target. oh yeah, and abortion is next in line. why couldn’t we focus on baseball and how boring it is? that seems to make more sense to me.

ahhhh! chuck would kick your brains out of your heads guys! stop it!

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a short while back microsoft decided to do an advertising comeback to the wildly popular i’m a mac, i’m a pc ads. they decided to come up with something lighthearted featuring jerry seinfeld + bill gates. a campaign that ran microsoft a grand total of 300 million greenbacks. 10 million of which went directly to jerry for the commercial posted above.

well, today they announced that they were pulling the plug on the project since it didn’t get as much of a response as they had hoped. the news says Commercials were roundly criticized which i am assuming means people thought they were gaydar. watch the video above and make up your own mind. to be honest, i don’t even know what the commercial is trying to say? the only winner here is jerry. 10 million more $$$$$$.

vista will forever be the fall of microsoft imo. they really decided to make things complicated for reasons god only knows. there are like a hundred different versions of the operating system and all of my nerdy computer buddies that run on pc’s all have stuck with xp. apple is gaining market share at a rapid rate while microsoft continues to try and strong arm people into using their products. god, when silverlight came out i just about shit my pants. i thought to myself wtf is this?!? why do you guys keep pushing out sub-par crap!!!!??!?!?!!1

rant over…

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golly the news is dumb sometimes.

i am trying to understand why microsoft is getting so much press about the new private browsing feature they are going implement with the new internet explorer 8. apples safari had it a while ago as well as firefox. it allows you to basically browse the web while wiping your steps as you go.

and no, internet explorer does not have 70% of the market share. in fact firefox currently holds 40% + of the market share. check it here.

i love how the news is calling it porn mode. leave it up to them to coin some stupid phrase that will scare people into saying rabble! rabble! rabble!

for the record internet explorer sucks. anyone who understands the web on even a basic level will say the same thing. avoid it.

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yes, from time to time i like to bash microsoft.

in june microsoft plans on taking windows xp off the shelf so that vista can finally claim full reign as the new operating system to end all operating systems. the only problem is that it sucks total balls. so much even that an online petition is rapidly growing to tell microsoft that users do not want xp to go away.

and yes, i signed the petition.

i may be a mac user but i still work on a lot of people’s machines that have xp and recently i have been dabbing with vista to help others in need. and jesus murphy the user interface sucks. i consider myself kind of a computer whiz and vista makes me feel like a new user, or a n00b if you will. the clincher is how long they took to develop it.

attn: fuck heads – listen to the people – for they use your crap.

read the article on cnn here

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